Sehnsucht.

I’ve been here for two and a half weeks now. They have gone by fast and at the same time it feels like I’ve been here forever. They have been up and they have been down. I have met some great people and I have had some great times. Right now six months seem like a very long time though. I have the feeling that I have enough places in my place bank, I don’t have any space left in me to fall in love with yet another place. There are three places I physically ache to be in right now:

1. Crete

I thought coming here, having the sea just next to me, the similar climate and working in tourism, I would miss Greece less, I would feel more at home. I was wrong. It makes me miss Crete more. It feels like I grasped for gold and caught silver. Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful here, I’m all for new experiences and adventures and I knew it wouldn’t be the same. I just miss home. It’s been two years since I was there. It’s way too long. Hersonissos, Crete will always be my heart’s home. And I just need to go home and smell the smells, see the colours – the pink bougainvillea, the turquoise sea, the white houses. I need to walk up and down the little alleys in the warm, dark evenings and think. I need to taste real tomatoes, cucumber, yoghurt, menthe, oregano, feta cheese, fish, olive oil, wine. I need to see the villages where I grew up. I need to be in my comfort zone. Between the mountains and the sea. With people who knew me pre Sweden. With people who knew and loved my father. It actually hurts, that’s how much I miss it.

Image
Xarakas, my home mountain. <3

Image
The House where I grew up, in the middle of the picture.

ImageImage

2. Alpbach

Since I first stepped foot there in 2006 I have been in love with this village. Having been there three seasons in a row (winter-summer-winter) it has really become a part of me. I love being there. I love waking up, looking out my window and be surrounded by mountains. Wether green or white, they make my heart skip a beat and my breathing heavier every time. I can never get used to their magnificence. I feel truly blessed to have Alpbach in my life. Complete with all the lovely people that live there or come and go like me. It has bewitched me. Strangely enough I can actually see myself settling down there one day. I certainly know that I can never live without it again and that I want nothing more than a chance to go to Dorffest and get some weeks there without work, with friends to climb some mountains and drink some wine in the alp summer nights.

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImage

3. My childhood

The one place that i can never go back to. The one place that I always wish I could visit again. Hersonissos may still be my heart’s home, but it will never be the same as it was in the 90’s. I will never be a child again. I will never put two chairs together next to my mother at the restaurant and fall asleep knowing that she will carry me home when the time comes. I will never again think that getting a helium balloon is the greatest joy in the world. I will never sit in my father’s lap again. Go to kindergarten and run around pretending flowers and stones are food. Completely rely on other people to fix everything for me, make me feel secure. I get the feeling so often that I want to be a child again. I had the best childhood anyone could ask for. I grew up in Hersonissos in it’s golden days with all the best people. I can never have it back, but no one can take it away from me either. I just wish I could visit it sometimes.

ImageImageImageImage

Here’s a little reminder I found in a phone booth in Hersonissos:
(The more you look back, the less you go forward! ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD!)
Note to self.

But, I’m not complaining. This is something I need to do. I will be in Hersonissos, Norrköping, Göteborg, Alpbach, London, places that i feel at home, before I know it. And I will be one experience richer! I wish you all a summer rich with new experiences, sun and love.

A x

LOOTB #622: Lillete

Featured Image -- 604

Originally posted on LOOTB Gives:
This beautiful young lady is Lillete. She is 14 years old, her favorite subject in school is Math and when she grows up she wants to be a professional volleyball player! We met her in…

Day off.

My first day off was very relaxing. All the entertainers have a day off every Tuesday, so I hung out and got to know the others a bit better today. Me and an even newer girl, who arrived on Sunday, took a walk to the Marina and did some shopping for exciting things like cleaning supplies. Otherwise what we have done today is eat, basically. On day off we get to wear our own clothes and use almost all the facilities of the hotel like a guest. We get to sit together and eat and don’t have to do guest contact. So we had a pig out breakfast, two lunches, afternoon cake and coffee and dinner… It was amazing. I don’t think I’ll be hungry before Thursday. The weather wasn’t that much better today, so I didn’t get my much longed for swim in the sea. I did however get an unexpected sunburn. Never trust the clouds here, apparently. Tomorrow it’s on it like a bonnet again! My first presentation and Mungo story. Woop!

A x

A new experience.

So this morning the plans changed and suddenly I had to go do the adult evening programme! I thought, yeah, I’ll have to do it sooner or later, might as well be sooner! I’m not gonna lie, I felt a bit worried and didn’t really want to go. It’s a bit hard for us kids entertainers, because we only really know the families, and they’re already asleep at that time! Also I’ve only been here like 5 minutes, so I don’t really know anyone. But I always do this, I worry in vain and when I get there, I actually really like it! And I did! I met a lot of nice people and got paid to freestyle dance to cheesy songs, which is one of the things that I do best! I can now go to bed and feel that it’s ok to be tired! So, this is me signing out with a very good feeling! :*

A x

First impressions.

I’m knackered, but I’m happy. So much to take in, but I think I’m going to get used to it very soon! The one thing I don’t know if I like is having to eat with the guests (and we can’t sit two entertainers together, we all have to spread out), making awkward conversation while eating with people who’d probably much rather eat on their own… But I guess I could have bigger problems. 

ImageImageImageImage

 

I have a good feeling about this! :)

A x

A new adventure has begun.

I left the house at 5.00 this morning. 1, train to Arlanda airport. 2, first flight to Frankfurt. I hate that airport. We drove around in the plane for what seemed like ages, then we had to get on a bus and drove around for another eternity, my bladder was bursting and I just wanted to find a toilet ASAP. Then I had to walk through endless corridors to get to where I needed to be. Queue for check in. Queue for passport control. Queue for boarding pass control. Queue for security control. Queue to get on the plane. I couldn’t get away from there fast enough! My biggest fear was that they would have forgotten about me when I got to Tunis, as I hadn’t gotten a confirmation that they were picking me up, where or when. When I got out with my suitcase in hand there was a sweet little Tunisian man standing there with a sign that had my name on it! Puh!

It has been a long day with a lot of new experiences. I’m sharing a room with a girl from Ukraine, she seems very sweet and all the other staff seem really nice too. I’ve only had the kid food, but the rest looked good as well and I can’t wait for the breakfast buffé tomorrow!

I have come to one conclusion; I brought way to much clothes… But then again who has time for washing? And what good would they do laying around in Sweden? ;)

Photos are coming up tomorrow. This little girl is going to bed now. Exhausted.

A x

Educating Athina.

I’ve been through this process before. Multiple times. The process of reading countless plays. Choosing one. Reading it again with the purpose to find a monologue in it. A monologue by a character that is of my gender and age. A monologue that isn’t too long, but not too short. One that shows a wide range of emotion and with which I can show what I can do. A monologue that I spend months learning, directing myself, sometimes getting help making into a scene. Just to perform it for 2 minutes in front of a jury of people that supposedly know what they want and what they are looking for. That are there to judge me. They have these 2 minutes to see if I have what it takes. To go to their school. To fit in with the rest of the class. To get out of the course and actually work in the industry. I have 2 minutes to show them what i can do. And so do the thousands of others that fight for one of the the 30, 20 sometimes only 15 places that will give us the tools to go out in the real world and do it over and over again, but this time to get a paid job.

It’s exhausting. It’s a jungle that you need to fight through with a machete. And you never know what you’re going to find behind the next bush. Because in the end it’s all about being in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. About knowing the right people. I got in to the theatre programme at secondary school. Half audition, half grades there. Two years later I got in to the one year theatre course at Wiks Folkhöskola, through a letter this time. The exact same letter got rejected by Nordiska Folkhögskolan. I can be prepared to an inch of perfection and still not get in. The brother of a friend of mine got in to Drama School that time that he decided to apply last minute and go do the audition just for fun… So why on earth am I here again? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can’t I just settle for (or actually want to) studying business or engineering or something that will actually give me a good, secure, well payed job after three years at university? 

I get these rushes of inspiration and determination and I try to get this acting thing going for me. And then I just go off and work as a ski instructor or a waitress or study german anyway. Then another rush and I try again. I guess a part of me is afraid of the rejection and the amount of work and sacrifice that it takes. But somehow this time I feel less afraid. I feel more determined and more inspired. Maybe I’m ready now. Maybe I’m done exploring for a while. Maybe it’s time to really give this 100%. I’m 23 years old. That’s not old at all. But if I want to get in to drama school and then actually work as an actress for some years, it’s high time. 

Five years have gone since I was that 18-year-old, freshly graduated from secondary school, ready to take on the world. Looking back I can see that I was a bit naive then, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I wish I had some more of that naivety in me still. It made things easier. At the same time, I was holding myself back then, because I still wanted to explore things. But I did take myself to London, which was my big dream. And I did take that evening course that I had to take the tube, then a train and then a bus to get to. And it did inspire me. And now it’s time to do it again. Without stopping myself this time. Without doubting myself. Without self pity. 

I read a play today. I know I should read more before I choose a monologue and that I absolutely have the time, but it’s just so tiresome. And I really liked this one. It actually moved me. So, it might be the one. It is called Educating Rita and is written by british dramatist Willy Russell. It was first produced in 1980 with the fantastic Julie Walters as Rita. Reading the script actually made me laugh out loud on several occasion, I’m not going to write out the plot, however I recommend you to read it. If you feel too lazy for that, I’m attaching here a link to stream online the film adaptation from 1983, again with Julie Walters in the role of Rita and the equally fantastic Michael Cane as Frank. The script is practically the same, with a few (sometimes highly unnecessary modifications). In the play Rita and Frank are the only characters that have lines and it’s all set in Frank’s office at the university, whereas in the movie the other characters have come to life as well. It’s very well played and worth a watch!

So the journey towards Drama School (the REAL journey!) starts now and this time I’m not giving up. Having said that I will need all the support, motivational speeches, pep talks, unconditional love and you-can-do-it attitude from all my friends. Be there for me and know that I will be there for you when you need me. (And you will always get free tickets to come see my shows! ;))

A x

A tribute to a swedish gem.

A scrawny boy from Gothenburg. The guy who quit as drummer of Broder Daniel before they got their record deal and rejoined as their bass player just in time for their big break and their becoming swedish 90s pop’s number one sad eyeliner boys. The dorky football fan who loves the old swedish folk songs about sea men and fisher men. The boy who made being all of that cool. The boy who decided he didn’t want to be in a band, wrote his own songs and released them, thinking that no radio station would play them. The boy who appeared dressed in a sailor suit and swept an entire nation (and Norway…) over night. He sang the way he felt. It wasn’t pretty. But it was from the heart. There is no one who puts so much emotion into their songs as he does. That’s what makes them so unbearably beautiful. In the beginning he was so awkward. He didn’t know how to deal with the sudden popularity. It was refreshing! Now, as he has grown in to it, he is even more adorable in all his humbleness. The way he speaks to his fans! As though they are his saviors. His live shows are the best parties and the best, most emotional sob fests all at the same time. They are an addiction. With many musicians, you see them live once and you’ve been there, done that. With him you end up begging for more. Seeing him live becomes a hobby. And here’s the most amazing part. In 2001, when he had his big break there were 16-year-old girls at the front of the stage, screaming, crying and singing along to every bit of lyric. In 2006, when I had my concert debut one late summer day with a bit of autumn in the air, I was at the front of the stage along with hundreds of other 16-year-old girls screaming, crying and singing along to every bit of lyric. Now, in 2014, at the front of the stage there are still 16-year-old girls screaming, crying and singing along to every bit of lyric. But we, the 16-year-olds from 2001 and 2006 have never left him and my mother’s 75-year-old aunt adores him just as much as we do. He has something for everyone. Now, at 40 years of age, whenever he gets on a stage, he is still that energetic, scrawny, dorky boy who gives a hell of a show. He keeps writing the most amazing pieces of poetry and accompanying them with the most emotional melodies. His music has made me feel a complete, full range of emotion. Whenever I hear his songs, my heart starts beating faster, I become that 16-year-old girl with eyeliner and a star painted on the cheek at the front of the stage screaming his songs while crying (that wasn’t me by the way, I was the short girl in a pony tail and no make up, pushing her way to the front). After 13 years of fame he is now attached to the swedish folk soul. He is up there with Evert Taube, Cornelis Vreswijk and Fred Åkerström. There are already books written about him, a movie made based on his songs and multiple documentaries about him and his music. And rightly so. His songs, his words and his voice have touched so many people, of so many ages and backgrounds. It’s a pity that most of the songs are in swedish, because I want to show everyone his magic. But they aren’t translatable. They are a swedish poetic secret. One day our children will be singing his songs in school and we will listen and remember the days when he used to be a rock star. I hope he never stops making music. Making magic. I – and many with me – need him to keep doing what he does. Because no one and nothing can replace the one and only, Håkan Hellström.

In case I got you curious:
Nu Kan Du Få Mig Så Lätt
Maybe his most magic song in one (for me) of his most magic performances from 2006.
“It was so dark, that evening I went home
I had been hoping for something, hoping for something
If you want me, now you can get me so easily…”
Yes, I broke the rules and translated a bit of magic for you.

Kom Igen, Lena!
Official video to the first single off his second album (Det är så jag säger det [That's the way I say it]) from 2002.
A song that I can’t sit still to, one of the happiest songs I know. My jam. COME OOOOON, LENA!!!
A x

Dance. Dancedancedance.

It started off so nice! It was great to see some of my old best friends that I hold so dear. We had a lot of fun. Some food, some drinks. Then we went home to August’s and shit went down. Suddenly I was SO drunk… It wasn’t even fun anymore… I contemplated going home, but the bike ride to the club sobered me up a little and I decided to go in. Puls. Old Otten. One of the places we went to when we were 18. Almost everyone in there was 18. We have come to the time and place in our lives where we are the oldies in there… I sobered up quite quickly… It was fun to dance though, haven’t done that properly in a while. But I can really say now, that I have completely grown out of Norrköping. A couple of leftovers from the old days were still there, otherwise only new, five or six years younger people. And I felt it again. The longing to get out of here. I love this place in small doses, but I can’t stay long. It’s soon time to go again!

A x